Thoughts on Leaving

I spent the evening and then night at Lewis & Clark yesterday, in Jenifer and Azucena's apartment, and it was good to see Dante, Heather, Jenifer, Rose, Calli, Mara, Andrew Yip, Azucena and even Chiaki (a student from Waseda University in Japan, who I haven't seen for a year and a half) again. We talked for hours and watched Sweeney Todd, a most peculiar film. Chiaki and I talked for a long time into the night while drinking tea and eating homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. She has one more semester of school in Japan and in April she will start working for a company there. This her last vacation as a student, she had said.

Biking back to Sellwood through the cemetary was a bit emotionally-charged with self-reflection and pondering my departure. I really will miss these people, this school, this city. I wrote down all my favorite places (mostly in SE) for Jenifer to explore, but it kills me knowing that I will not visit them for a year. But a city is wonderful because of the people that inhabit it, and what is worse than missing those places is missing the friends and strangers that make Portland home. I will not talk with fellow patrons of Half & Half or the PSU Farmers' Market. I will not laugh and converse in my native language with other bus-riders or bikers at a bizarre happening that we jointly witness.

I feel like I should add some sort of statement implying closure here, but the truth is that I am still so deeply entrenched in the process of developing my plans, my identity and exploring all options. I can say though, that it often feels as if all of my life has led up to this point and I am building on who I already am, adjusting myself in ways that will ensure greater happiness (this of course is the American dream - being happy) and help me grow in love, academics, travels and other adventures.

[Image credit: Amber Case, 2006]